Net Quotes 1
This is the first in the of the Net Quotes Files and starts with a slur
from the..um...incomparable Joel Furr and replied to by Mike Wilson.
jfurr@acpub.duke.edu (Joel Furr) writes:
>Is it just me, or is reasoning with Dick like "reasoning" with a
>souped-up Eliza program?
Why do you feel this way about soup?
;)
"I think therefore I am". -Descartes
"I think I think, therefore I think I am." -Ambrose Bierce
"I think not, th...
-mike
optimism - the belief that we live in the BEST of all possible
worlds.
pessimism - the belief that WE live in the best of all possible
worlds.
"It is useless for sheep to propose vegetarianism while
wolves remain of a different persuasion."
-- Turkish proverb
"Make me one with everything" - Zen Buddhist ordering pizza
"Hi, Bill. You sound a bit depressed to me."
"It's worse than that. I'm dead, Jim."
-- Terry Pratchett, Johnny and the Dead
"The only way you will be able to kill the Usenet beast would be to nuke
the planet & start over from scratch...and even then the cockroaches will
still remember the way things were & strive to bring back the old familiar
Usenet."
hacker (n): 1. affectionate reference to a programmer who
displays programming skills equivalent to those of a
neurosurgeon who removes brain tumors with a chain saw.
2. a programmer too socially inept to realize that (1) is
an insult.
Def: kludge: a program held together with the code equivalent of duct tape
and rubber bands, which functions (mostly), but you're *damned*
if you can figure out how or why. See also "kludge artist".
Def: kludge artist: 1. a programmer who forces a program to perform the
actions they desire, without regard for any side effects or any
future usage. 2. A programmer who kludges programs with the intent
of assuring job security (never let them know what you're doing).
"Ah, man.. you hit the nails right on the heads there. However, I think
you drove them right into your own forehead."
-- datsun@wasteland.spam.org (Datsun Q. Wanderer)
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who is
the better lawyer" - Robert Frost
I think. I think I am. Therefore ... I *am*! (I think....)
The government which fears arms in the hands of its people...should.
If you don't want to play with old geezers, you have to
make golf a contact sport.
-Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so
certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."
-- Bertrand Russell
'God does not play dice with the universe.'
-- Albert Einstein
'Albert, stop telling God what to do.'
--gimonca@cattle.mn.org
"Beware geeks bearing .gifs!"
"My life needs a rewind/erase button." "...And a volume control."
- Calvin & Hobbes
Great Moments in Usenet news:
"Usenet is a cesspool, a dungheap." -Patrick Townson
"No." -Tim Pierce
"Now is the Windows of our disk contents
made glorious SimEarth by this Sun of Zork."
---Richard v3.0
de-moc-ra-cy (di mok' ra see) n. Three wolves
and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.
Pierre Jelenc * A day can really slip by when you're deliberately *
rcpj@panix.com * avoiding what you're supposed to do. =Calvin= *
/=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=\
| Shawn McCullar | ERROR #32. KEYBOARD NOT |
| A.K.A. southern@netcom.com | RESPONDING! Use Hammer? y/n |
| A.K.A. southern@aol.com | |
\=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=/
"Press any key to test ..." "Release key to detonate ..."
"ATTEMPTED MANSLAUGHTER? You cannot attempt manslaughter. That's like
trying to kill someone, accidentally."
addunn@ahs.watstar.uwaterloo.ca (Andrea Dunn)
"At least Custer didn't have to watch the game films afterwards."
-- Pat Hayden
Jesus is coming soon and he needs a green card to MAKE.MONEY.FAST!
Tom Salyers
The US is the only nation to progress from barbarism to decadence without
passing through civilization.
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all
progress depends on the unreasonable man.
Marc Fraioli | "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist- "
mjf@clark.net | - Last words of Union General John Sedgwick,
| Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, U.S. Civil War
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were
not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
"You still don't get it, do you? You were crisped for exhibiting the
guaranteed-flame-attractant triad of being simultaneously arrogant,
condescending, and wrong." -- Carole Ashmore
We cannot expect you to be with us all of the time, but perhaps
you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.
-- Sir Thomas Beecham to a musician during rehearsal
It's time for an old net.tradition...
Anagrams...
For "Canter and Seigel" I've found.... (punctuation added)
* Green deal, sin act.
* A sad green client.
* Deal, a net cringes.
* An edge is central.
* I need clear angst.
* I can rest a legend.
That's only from the first million or so permutations...
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy".
Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
<> What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used
<> car salesman? A used car salesman knows when he's lying.
<> -- (Unknown)
Judge > Why did you cheat all those people who trusted you so much?
Con Man> Well its kind of hard to cheat people who don't trust you.
"There are three ways to achieve tastelessness: i) you can be born
tasteless; ii) you can achieve tastelessness after years of training;
or iii) you can be Australian." Michael Coady (1993).
"I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my review
Miss steaks aye can knot see."
(Jerrold H. Zar)
In article brad@clarinet.com (Brad Templeton)
writes:
Due Process is just as important in anarchy as elsehwere. Anarchy is
the absence of government, not the absence of order, don't forget that.
Unfortunately, Usenet is both.
Robert Bagnall | "Baldric, that is the worst plan since Abe
Oracle National Support |Lincoln said to his wife, "I'm sick of sitting
324 St. Kilda Rd |around the house, let's catch a show""
Melbourne, Australia 3004| - Edmund Blackadder, BA4
"Your weapons are no match for ours! People of Mars, surrender!"
"Um, this isn't Mars. This is Earth." "Earth? Earth-with-nuclear-
weapons Earth?" "Yes." [long pause] "Friend!"
"If you really want to make a lot of money, start your own religion."
- L. Ron Hubbard
/ Chris Owen, Trinity College, Oxford | tr95006@black.ox.ac.uk \
|---------------------------------------------------------------
| Canter and Siegel's criminal Armenian grandparents have |
\ committed net.genocide on 2.5 million Green Cards... /
"For every problem there's a clear, obvious solution that's totally wrong"
"[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules
and no mercy."
Joseph Campbell
"Need I go on?" -- Serdar Argic
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Seen on the net: "I always thought that 'Intel Inside' was a warning
required by Truth in Advertising laws..."
"A system admin's life is a sorry one. The only advantage he has over
Emergency Room doctors is that malpractice suits are rare. On the other
hand, ER doctors never have to deal with patients installing new versions
of their own innards!" -Michael O'Brien
If you want to get rid of somebody,
just tell them something for their own good.
"The total IQ of UseNet is a constant. The number of users is growing
exponentially."
-Ron Dippold (rdippold@qualcomm.com), in response to me suggesting
that the average UseNet IQ was dropping rapidly
"Reports of my continued survival have been greatly exaggerated"
-- Usenet
People shouldn't think that it's better to have loved and lost than never
loved at all. It's not, it's better to have loved and won. All the other
options really suck. --Dan Redican
"Electricity is made up of very small particles called electrons, which
you cannot see unless you have been drinking."
"We have a strong, forceful, determined, socially-aware leader in
the White House -- with a supportive husband at her side." Mike Royko
"Programming is like sex: One mistake and you support it a lifetime."
Flies all green and buzzing on this network of despair. Who are all these
people who just post away in there? Are they crazy? Are they sainted?
Are they zeroes someone painted? It has never been explained since at
first it was created, but USENET,like a sin, requires naught but newgroupn'
of everything that's ever been. Newgroup her,newgroup him.
That's what's the deal we're dealing in.
-Apols. to FZ
"Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense."
"In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular."
Michael Bloom Citicorp/TTI| if (new_user_error) {
mab@tti.com Santa Monica, CA| printf("cryptic error message\n");
#include | exit(rand(srand(time(0))) >> 1);
Reading the net is like drinking from a firehose
Posting to the net is like yelling at people as they go by on
a rollercoaster
Archiving the net is like washing toilet paper.
"An unsupervised teenager with a modem is as dangerous as an
unsupervised teenager with a gun."
- Gail Thackeray, Arizona Ass. State Attorney
"Always sleep on your stomach !"
John Wayne Bobbitt
Masochist to sadist: "Hit me!" Sadist to masochist "No."
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